I recently realized that my kids apologize a lot. And while apologies are appropriate when you've done something wrong like "I'm sorry I hit you" or "I'm sorry I lied", my kids seem to apologize for being just being themselves. They say things like "I'm sorry I'm asking so many questions" or "I'm sorry I'm taking too long".
I started to think about how this language makes people feel and how it connects with others. Saying I'm sorry, when you didn't do anything wrong, puts you in a defensive mode, putting you in a victim position, and you may rely on others to feel good about yourself again in the form of forgiveness. Well, this is NOT the message I want my kids, or anyone, to have.
So we started talking about what it would look like to use Thank You instead. By using Thank You, you show appreciation instead of seeking approval. You keep yourself in high esteem instead of being in a victim position. You help others feel good by acknowledging their support instead of needing their forgiveness. And really who doesn't like to be thanked for a job well done.
So instead of "I'm sorry I'm asking so many questions" I hope to hear "Thank you for your patience (you're the best mom ever)" or instead of "I'm sorry I'm taking too long" I hope to hear "Thank you for waiting for me (you're the best mom ever)". 🥰
So how much do you apologize? Could you show appreciation instead?
Are you ready to try something new today? Replace SORRY with THANK YOU and see how it goes.
Sorry for going on and on. I mean thank you for reading.😄